At Peace at Pride: Navigating without Nullifying Your Queer Identity

“Being queer saved my life. Often we see queerness as deprivation. But when I look at my life, I saw that queerness demanded an alternative innovation from me. I had to make alternative routes; it made me curious; it made me ask, "Is this enough for me?" - Ocean Vuong 

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As Pride Month comes to an end, the new month looming over the sun climbing up the horizon arises the question: after all the parades and performative posters, the conceited corporate campaigns but the compassionate celebrations, where does that leave us? My fellow brothers, sisters, and gender-nonconforming siblings who are still queer after the month of June, are we still here? While the answer is an objective and obvious yes, how do we carry that emphatic yes with us for the rest of the year and frankly, the rest of our lives? 

These are questions that often race through my mind. As young queer people, we exist in a time where we must honor the fiery passion the queer pioneers of the past have channeled to fight for our existence and carry that flame into actionable change in these modern societies and frameworks. Is it exhausting? Yes. Oh, but it is exhilarating! This lifelong act fosters curiosity and expands our idea of what is, and what can be. 

Yes, Pride Month is a reminder to celebrate our identity, but in order to fully celebrate, we have to celebrate it all. The good, the bad, the ugly, the bold, but especially the beautiful. It is a gentle reminder to practice radical self-acceptance with the feelings we feel and the things we do that keep my queer identity stagnant and strong: 

1. Create that liberating space for yourself: You owe it to yourself. The idea of chosen family and safe spaces run deep in the queer community, and that applies to both physical and mental spaces.  

1. Watch your self-talk: In a culture where comedy is often rooted in self-deprecation and a hit at one’s own self-worth, it is imperative to protect yourself not only in the way you talk to others, but in the way we talk about ourselves. 

   
   

   I have caught myself on multiple occasions, even in the past week, calling myself stupid. In hindsight, I was not being stupid, I was being human. The cycle of self-hate can blur the lines of reality, but instantly correcting these self-inflicting insults helps you stay to what is true.  

1. Love: The love you give should reflect the love that you receive. In the places and spaces of our consciousness where we do not feel love, we must fill that need ourselves with utter care and compassion. With the framing that genuine self-love is approached with self-preservation rather than shame or resentment, it is an affirming acceptance of knowing you have control of filling up your cup and fulfilling the need to love and be loved.  

   
   

To heal what is hurting you, you must write your own deliverance. This continuous journey of longevity without comprising your queer identity begins and ends with only yourself.

Even though I know that people love me, why does it still feel like it is not enough? This question does not challenge my self-worth or “selfishness,” but defies my expectations of what I expect from others... and myself. Yes, there will be people that are filled with love that will give as much of it as they can, but you decide if that is enough and take it upon yourself to make it enough.  

No one could ever take away the love you have for yourself.